oh, woe... neglectful me...

This last few weeks.

I tell you what.

When I thought Ukweli's hair tied into my own was the phasing step towards accepting the reality of this project; I was wrong.

When I thought Grant Monohon shaking the hand of G. Thomas and saying, "looking forward to working with ya'" was the acceptance; I was wrong.

Laying, in the hospital bed for three days, studying the scripts of others, relaxing and paying for it, I thought that was acceptance....

It may have been.

The utter and destructive force of self doubt was present in me for a long while...

It still creeps in at moments of instability, but...

Before my talk with Tana Goertz, her sheer "can do" attitude, faith and support in myself and my project, I don't know if I could be where I'm at.

The late nights the last few weeks, late, as in 4 a.m. kind of later, writing, editing....

It's not so much about writing anyore.

Grant pointed to me one night as I was outlining (once again.)

"You're still outlining, Lauren?
We gotta' talk."

"Every scene is written... I just have to set them in the right order.'

Those words transformed into the finished product, hitting deadline straight in the face, asked to finish six years in one week, and able to do it with the support, emotion and brilliance of Grant, late night, talking and smoking over ideas.

The first read through was a complete success. My delightful and multi-faceted-never-cease-to-amaze-me assistant Miss Nicole, has been a true blessing and enormous piece to this puzzle coming together.

I am in gratitude, over and over and over again... each moment swelling in my heart... the devotion and manifestation of a dream.

People ask me, where've you been?

Writing. Working.

Aren't you tired.

No. I love this work, this work loves me and we're meant to make this a reality.

There is no tire in chasing dreams.

I think about the possibilities....

Filing a LLC this week... "Axis Manifest, LLC" protecting me.

A bank account, a credit line with colateral... shipping postage payments, checks desired only for the Library of Congress and the Writers Guild West. Processed forms from the Screen Actor's Guild.

E-mails sent, desires meant and articulated to actors and models