Out in Indianapolis for a 12 day sabatacle with my father.
Needless to say, a 23 year old sleeping in the same hotel room as her father, sneaking cigarettes, chugging coffee in the mornings after a late night binge of writing hasn't been in the greatest of ease...
regardless, bonding time. And I got to drive an old 47 packard three-in-the-tree gear shift.
I tossed and turned last night. An old and over used statement, but one that rings true in the reality of my place.
I couldn't sleep.
I've been calling Grant Monohon in New York, doing character studies with my watchful eye and intuitive friends and heart, waiting for the moment to be clear about what's happening.
Guidance from G Thomas has left me more confused, because I know i need to "write what i know" and not get off target or out of proportion with the "point" of all this and that.
Convuluted thoughts, a complete shift in paradigms from the original screenplay to the new one.
I can't say I know where this is growing, but it's going. it's out of my reach.
three a.m. wrapped around my skull, staring in teh dark at my computer screen in a hotel, trying not to click or type too loud, the lamp, off, and wobbling in flux to my fingertips... a darkened refletion of myself in the mirror above the desk as a reminder, where i'm at in my life... how much older I am since I first started writing this, since the first head shots we took 6 years ago.
I'm in love with a project, and it's driving me mad.
Happy Solstice everyone
we'll see where the fourth of july leaves me.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
and the award goes to....
Wanted to make a shout out of gratitude and appreciation to all the current players....
Roy Fisher, for planting the seeds in my heart.
Kelix Williams, for his participation in editing.
GThomas Fergerson, for being a kick ass human being and willing to put up with my neuroticsm.
Nicole Rae Schafer, for showing up out of nowhere and assuming a position of great interest and participation (and for being hot!)
To Jeff "Fej" Williams, whom without his help, there'd be no FLuck logo at this point.
To my boss for all the computer paper.
For my parents for not thinking i'm the screenwriter who cried "wolf!" but in this case "Flick!"
Mithra Osiris for being willing to expose character foils and talk psychology with me over beers and cigarettes.
Grant Monohon, out there in New York, for believing in this project for six years while he makes a break in New York City.
David Anthony, out there in Brooklyn as well, a shout out for his vision.
Anyd Baratta for his advice.
Erick Wickes, Merso Dolic, Kelli Jo Sweeney, um... my sisters, the strangers on buses and boats and trains and car windows. Coffee shop conversations, photographers, every step I've taken.
This is my gratitude shout out.
Thank you, Universe, for all the love and support.
Roy Fisher, for planting the seeds in my heart.
Kelix Williams, for his participation in editing.
GThomas Fergerson, for being a kick ass human being and willing to put up with my neuroticsm.
Nicole Rae Schafer, for showing up out of nowhere and assuming a position of great interest and participation (and for being hot!)
To Jeff "Fej" Williams, whom without his help, there'd be no FLuck logo at this point.
To my boss for all the computer paper.
For my parents for not thinking i'm the screenwriter who cried "wolf!" but in this case "Flick!"
Mithra Osiris for being willing to expose character foils and talk psychology with me over beers and cigarettes.
Grant Monohon, out there in New York, for believing in this project for six years while he makes a break in New York City.
David Anthony, out there in Brooklyn as well, a shout out for his vision.
Anyd Baratta for his advice.
Erick Wickes, Merso Dolic, Kelli Jo Sweeney, um... my sisters, the strangers on buses and boats and trains and car windows. Coffee shop conversations, photographers, every step I've taken.
This is my gratitude shout out.
Thank you, Universe, for all the love and support.
Monday, June 4, 2007
research
Now that I've been given a deadline and poetic license, the nerve wrack approaches. What is really being portrayed here? How is writing like algebra in the balancing of human equations and communications?
I've decided that every interaction or, ahem, eavesdropping has been worthwhile.
Not to say that those that I interact with are subjects... yet, at the same time, they are.. personally rather than inpersonally.
I recognized tonite my "alien anthropological assessments." Just because I'm human (or, appear to be) doesn't make it impossible to observe the human experience... the body, the emotions, the urges, the uhhhhhs and so forth.
Uhhhhs, come up frequently, I've found. You think you might just maybe know EXACTLY what you want, then you fall backwards or come to a new conclusion, still involving the free will of another, or, other beings. This is the conflict.
The responsibility.
I'll put for the effort, the gumption, and ultimately, the commited rapport to each of these gestating characters, yet to be born into this world of re-representation.
How do Ukweli and Grant connect? Is there past pain? Why is Jon so sadistical and what is his motivation? Are Jade and Grant meant....
Where do playgrounds and homeless people pay off in the balance of it all? Where is all this to take place and what new character developments will appear?
These questions, my friends... I have complete faith they will be answered.
Watch out, I might be watching you.
(I didn't mean that in a creepy way, more of an honest observation of myself honestly observing others to understand the perplexities and isolations and common denominators of the human struggle, er... I mean, experience??)
I've decided that every interaction or, ahem, eavesdropping has been worthwhile.
Not to say that those that I interact with are subjects... yet, at the same time, they are.. personally rather than inpersonally.
I recognized tonite my "alien anthropological assessments." Just because I'm human (or, appear to be) doesn't make it impossible to observe the human experience... the body, the emotions, the urges, the uhhhhhs and so forth.
Uhhhhs, come up frequently, I've found. You think you might just maybe know EXACTLY what you want, then you fall backwards or come to a new conclusion, still involving the free will of another, or, other beings. This is the conflict.
The responsibility.
I'll put for the effort, the gumption, and ultimately, the commited rapport to each of these gestating characters, yet to be born into this world of re-representation.
How do Ukweli and Grant connect? Is there past pain? Why is Jon so sadistical and what is his motivation? Are Jade and Grant meant....
Where do playgrounds and homeless people pay off in the balance of it all? Where is all this to take place and what new character developments will appear?
These questions, my friends... I have complete faith they will be answered.
Watch out, I might be watching you.
(I didn't mean that in a creepy way, more of an honest observation of myself honestly observing others to understand the perplexities and isolations and common denominators of the human struggle, er... I mean, experience??)
Sunday, June 3, 2007
rewriting freedom
My mind was blown this week.
gThomas, our cinematographer and I met up at Zanzibar on Ingersoll.
Due to a crooning female, we ended up on the back porch, the dark roast coffee with too much real cream, you know, the real cream which is tinted a bit yellow and buttery with oil floating on the surface?
Anyway... GThomas gave me artistic permission to rip the screenplay apart, to remove characters that I'd built up in my mind as being really necessary (and they aren't) and to magnify what is being communicated.
Communication, and the isolation of the human experience and what connects us.
When I said, "G gave me permission" he was in fact showing me that i didn't need permission to be insane, to go of and make this a really important piece of art. He told me to go bigger, to trust my instince.
I guess fear was a component I hadn't examined in the writing process.
No one's judging me. No one's looking over my shoulder and telling me I'm a fuck up.
My parents aren't going to ground me for making smutty and often tasteless assumptions about people.
Freedom to process and rethink where I'm taking it.
It's time to dive in. Wish me luck.
gThomas, our cinematographer and I met up at Zanzibar on Ingersoll.
Due to a crooning female, we ended up on the back porch, the dark roast coffee with too much real cream, you know, the real cream which is tinted a bit yellow and buttery with oil floating on the surface?
Anyway... GThomas gave me artistic permission to rip the screenplay apart, to remove characters that I'd built up in my mind as being really necessary (and they aren't) and to magnify what is being communicated.
Communication, and the isolation of the human experience and what connects us.
When I said, "G gave me permission" he was in fact showing me that i didn't need permission to be insane, to go of and make this a really important piece of art. He told me to go bigger, to trust my instince.
I guess fear was a component I hadn't examined in the writing process.
No one's judging me. No one's looking over my shoulder and telling me I'm a fuck up.
My parents aren't going to ground me for making smutty and often tasteless assumptions about people.
Freedom to process and rethink where I'm taking it.
It's time to dive in. Wish me luck.
voyeuristic
There's a lot to be expounded on such a topic. Yes. I love to watch people. This may or may not be a potentially creepy thing, but humans are so fascinating.
Often, I feel as if I'm an alien visitor to this planet, here to do anthropological studies on your species and on the experience of being human... Having a body, having eyes, a brain, thoughts, having to work through reality and it's gestures to manifest something.
Manifest, that's a word that has been a repetitious record lately.
Voyeurism may not be the description I'm looking for here... I often think of it as being somewhat dangerous. To people watch, you are actively paying attention and thoughts towards individuals, perhaps attempting practice in non-judgment and accepting people as they are.
But if that person you are watching falls, and you don't go to help them, there's something wrong. Active participation is component of community.
Community itself is a huge part of this project. My isolation has melted away, feeling often alone and confused by Flick's potential reality, and the image and ideas being limited to my skull alone.
Through participation, through opening up, through vulnerability... I've made connections.
Often, I feel as if I'm an alien visitor to this planet, here to do anthropological studies on your species and on the experience of being human... Having a body, having eyes, a brain, thoughts, having to work through reality and it's gestures to manifest something.
Manifest, that's a word that has been a repetitious record lately.
Voyeurism may not be the description I'm looking for here... I often think of it as being somewhat dangerous. To people watch, you are actively paying attention and thoughts towards individuals, perhaps attempting practice in non-judgment and accepting people as they are.
But if that person you are watching falls, and you don't go to help them, there's something wrong. Active participation is component of community.
Community itself is a huge part of this project. My isolation has melted away, feeling often alone and confused by Flick's potential reality, and the image and ideas being limited to my skull alone.
Through participation, through opening up, through vulnerability... I've made connections.
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