Tuesday, March 3, 2009

In Memory: Cydnie Owens, Cydnie G. Hixson

A supernova is a stellar explosion. They are extremely luminous and cause a burst of radiation that often briefly outshines an entire galaxy, before fading from view over several weeks or months. During this short interval, a supernova can radiate as much energy as the Sun could emit over its life span."

This word, this definition- was the most appropriate comparison I could make when I heard about Cydnie.

She was a star that burned out well before her time.

I was first introduced to Cydnie in the summer of 2007. In short, I was working feverishly to complete my screenplay, preparing for production that would take place the fall of that year. Frustrated with an undeveloped side character; a struggling actress-/slash/-waitress named "Del," I felt there was some purpose for this character that was unrevealed to me. That "Del" somehow had a greater thread to weave in the tapestry of this story.

That's when I heard about Cydnie. Her own back-story that had taken her to the West coast then brought her back to Iowa. She and Novi were about to participate in the concept and dream that we were all blessed to co create together.

Cydnie gave me the honor of using her experiences to breath life into "Del." Once I saw her photo and spoke with her, Cydnie was "Del." She was the inspiration for the character, and one of the catalysts to bring "Flick" to fruition. Thank you for bringing us all together, Nicole.



A character veiled in the second dimension
was brought to light-
a whole conception.
The life and sacrifice
of a young woman-
a dreamer who
went away from home to grow
and follow her passion
returned home so that she could offer
part of her heart
to put her stardom on the back burner
to be a mother. to nurture.

Novi was inside of Cydnie when I met and worked with her. The young woman, round bellied on the sets. She was there, along with many others, whole heartedly donating their time and energy towards something I, and so many others, believed in whole heartedly. Cydnie patiently endured the long days, five months pregnant and fragile during the shoot, but energetic and prepared to shine.

Cydnie was charming, intelligent, capricious, lovable, unpredictable, a thousand adjectives could not do justice to this young presence. Cydnie glowed. She absolutely shined.

When I look at the film footage taken of her, beautiful as it may be-- her true radiance was something that no camera could ever capture.

As we remember this beautiful girl, who will remain to us young forever-- we must remind ourselves how mortal we are, how beautiful and vulnerable and unique as we all are.

We will reflect on all the honey sweet moments with Cydnie and be grateful.

Although she and I were not close, I feel that with the nature of the work we did together- creating art, materializing a vision - in that sort of environment, peope allow themselves to be what they really are, and to exist in a rare and truthful version of ourselves that isn't always possible in the world of mundane work and tasks. For this, I am so grateful for getting to meet the uncensored version of such a beautiful person.

I hope to share what knowledge I have of Cydnie as the actress, Cydnie as the mother, Cydnie on film, Cydnie the dreamer. Whatever I can share with her family, her friends, for Novi, and anyone close to her would be a great honor. Life is so precious, and Cydnie the star will be missed in our universe.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

theft & thieved *** left & leaved

It was January 2007 when I was first a victim of burglary. It was in the concurrent events after this that I rededicated myself to the dream of "Flick" and the commitment and time it takes to make things happen in this world.

The loss of my files, my computer, my music, my cameras all pointed to a lesson that perhaps I was wasting my time, and not taking advantage of my freedom and abilities to create and to write. To be the fullest version of myself I could be.

It's now January, 2009 and i was again a victim of theft, this time in Denver, Colorado. Went to see Gus Van Sant's film "Milk" at the Mayan Theatre, and returned to a car with the window smashed in and my belongings taken. * Shudder *

As I drove from 7 eleven to 7 eleven (the last known charges on my credit cards for 17$... then a trip to McDonald's with my Visa card) I kept noticing silly things... The addresses 333 Iowa Avenue, noticing how my thoughts distracted me from my intuition to retrieve my wallet from the car... Sending my thoughts to the thieves of forgiveness... hoping they will read through my stolen belongings and realize that I have little, but all the hope in the world. I thought maybe the prized letter from a college professor, my addresses and few belongings in the purse might compel them to send the unwanted things back to me.

I thought of the economic crisis we're all in... poor still from poor people, the high that was probably retrieved from smashing a glass window... the sound of glass shattering, the high stakes of getting caught, the getaway, the feast on McDonald's and another crime done with little consequence.

I wonder if they even wonder how I feel.

My Holiday December vacation away from the big city was enlightening in many prospects. The reflections of a year, leaving my hometown and those people dear to my life and my projects... What have I been holding onto?

Grudges, the deceit of my own life and the deceits inflicted upon me... All that I begrudge and rehash, and the unconscious decisions that I so want to pay attention to in my own world.

I hold hope that I will continue to grow, and that as I grow to trust the process, that I will grow to trust myself.

I'm sure these hippie rantings are for the most part, unnoticed to many. But perhaps by sharing, I can heal. People may learn from the experiences of another... a stranger... one that desires to give as much as I take, one that desires to live as much as I may fake.