theft & thieved *** left & leaved

It was January 2007 when I was first a victim of burglary. It was in the concurrent events after this that I rededicated myself to the dream of "Flick" and the commitment and time it takes to make things happen in this world.

The loss of my files, my computer, my music, my cameras all pointed to a lesson that perhaps I was wasting my time, and not taking advantage of my freedom and abilities to create and to write. To be the fullest version of myself I could be.

It's now January, 2009 and i was again a victim of theft, this time in Denver, Colorado. Went to see Gus Van Sant's film "Milk" at the Mayan Theatre, and returned to a car with the window smashed in and my belongings taken. * Shudder *

As I drove from 7 eleven to 7 eleven (the last known charges on my credit cards for 17$... then a trip to McDonald's with my Visa card) I kept noticing silly things... The addresses 333 Iowa Avenue, noticing how my thoughts distracted me from my intuition to retrieve my wallet from the car... Sending my thoughts to the thieves of forgiveness... hoping they will read through my stolen belongings and realize that I have little, but all the hope in the world. I thought maybe the prized letter from a college professor, my addresses and few belongings in the purse might compel them to send the unwanted things back to me.

I thought of the economic crisis we're all in... poor still from poor people, the high that was probably retrieved from smashing a glass window... the sound of glass shattering, the high stakes of getting caught, the getaway, the feast on McDonald's and another crime done with little consequence.

I wonder if they even wonder how I feel.

My Holiday December vacation away from the big city was enlightening in many prospects. The reflections of a year, leaving my hometown and those people dear to my life and my projects... What have I been holding onto?

Grudges, the deceit of my own life and the deceits inflicted upon me... All that I begrudge and rehash, and the unconscious decisions that I so want to pay attention to in my own world.

I hold hope that I will continue to grow, and that as I grow to trust the process, that I will grow to trust myself.

I'm sure these hippie rantings are for the most part, unnoticed to many. But perhaps by sharing, I can heal. People may learn from the experiences of another... a stranger... one that desires to give as much as I take, one that desires to live as much as I may fake.