november again.

It's the end of November again.

Just a year ago, I was in the cooling wake of the biggest event of my life thus far. The film production of "Flick", the biggest dream I ever dreamed.

Thanksgiving was an event, the whole Hickman clan in Des Moines, Iowa, along with the strays, my film crew that was more my family at that time, my creative family, than my DNA linked one was. We feasted and drank and spoke of our exhaustion, the next day.. back to work.

18 hour days and a sense of urgency, an overwhelming lack of sleep, nourishment and sanity sent me into battles with my self esteem, with my self assurance. Allowing the project to follow it's flow, not trying to grab the reigns too tight, but in post production reflection, i can see my weaknesses.

Those around me say it doesn't matter... the fact that you did it gives creedence to any imperfections. It could be still on scraps of napkins and notebook paper from years past. Maybe thrown away in an intense cleaning ritual, or buried in other paper works and dreamt projects.

But it's digitally in existence and it's being manipulated, first by myself for 600 hours, and now in the hands of another. Calculating... waiting to build enough momentum, enough energy to finish this next task. If it took x amount of momentum to fuel production... how long will it take to get to the finish? To have a finalized product with sound and editing and holistic purpose?

I await, patiently. Living my life, bouting with creative funk and low to the next peak, the next axis. I feel out of alignment in this patience though. What to prepare? The hopelessness of so many other indie films that were never seen.

People ask me if I await fame. I don't, I say. I want to finish something that I began. Then, I will do my best to get it out for the world to view, to take inspiration from, or aim criticism at.

Flick has been my heartbeat for years now, in a large way... it keeps me going.

signing off for now,

L.K.H.
Brooklyn, NY